Argh.....

Still waiting to hear what the Drs. plan to do about the hygroma situation. Could be surgical, which we're not too happy about. But before we get freaked out, we're waiting to hear with Dr. Neuro-oncologist and what Dr. Neurosurgeon have to say about it. The tumor board agreed that it is a hygroma, not a hematoma (cerebral fluid, not blood). Our thought is that since the surgeon is being consulted that of course he's going to say surgery...that's what surgeon's do! But again, trying not to jump to any conclusions or put any carts before any horses before we have more info.

Trying not to be a Debby Downer, but dad is more tired, less verbal, more confused and more depressed, all of which could/can be contributed to the hygroma. This is hard to handle. I like steps forward, with no steps back. I wish more than anything that he could be happy, peaceful, unafraid. It makes me sad to think of how he must be feeling. We talked on the phone today and he was definitely not himself.

BUT, mom reminded me yesterday that we need to remember that dad is only 4 months into his recovery, and 4 months post 2nd craniotomy, at Jenny's wedding, he was still pretty loopy. I remember being in tears at the reception because his mental and physical state was difficult to accept, and one too many people had commented about how he "just wasn't the same" and I couldn't bear to hear it. But then I got married 5 months later and my dad walked me down the aisle (more like the brick walkway in my backyard) and danced with me in the rain on our patio for our father-daughter dance to "My Girl." He was in a great place at that point and I was so happy. Our family was even more joyous when just a few days later I learned that I was pregnant with Ava. I digress, but it makes me smile to remember how happy we were. I'm very proud that I could give my dad such a wonderful gift - to make him a grandpa. And he loves Ava so much and he's so sweet with her. These are the joyous gifts that I should remember at times such as these.